C1

“Useless.” Danica heard her brother say for the last time as she walked toward the window to close it.

After locking the door, she sat down on the bed letting her tears flow down her eyes. The one she held back since morning.

DANICA POV

It’s just the same. Always. Why does it have to be like this? I probably am not needed. Isn’t this why they say such things to me? My family.

Well are they my family? I could call them family before, but not now. Not anymore. I’m just a guest here. I feel so pathetic and worthless. I quickly wiped my tears as I heard footsteps and sat straight on the bed. When I heard knocks on the door, I opened it.

“Come and eat.” I heard my mom say as l looked up at her and smiled.

“I’m not hungry.”

I smiled at her and told her that I wasn’t hungry, but she didn’t seem to care. After rolling her eyes, she shut the door. I burst into tears once again seeing how nobody really cares.

This is what my life has been like ever since I was a kid. My mother loved my brother as always.

But l was too immature and little to understand that she had always think of my presence as a burden. This is why she would always abandon me and my sister whenever she’d get the chance to.

But she doesn’t do much with my sister anymore because she’s matured and tolerates my mother. My Sister takes care of everything in our house and because of this reason, my mother is okay with her.

No wonder why I get called useless. I am useless though. It’s not like I do anything useful. Except for earning money which my mother is always excited to get.

I cried for something before getting up from the bed and going to get dressed. I want a fresh air and to have a peaceful surroundings even in a little time. I quickly wore something warm since it was cold outside and went out.

Nobody asked me where I was even going. Its not like they care. They probably wish l’d never come back. I will be gone soon though. I walked to the park l always used to play in when I was a kid.

“Hey, you okay?”

A girl approached me, probably because of my red eyes.

“Yes. I’m fine. Thanks for asking,” I said smiling at her.

I can’t open up. It’s too hard. My emotions were always denied by my family. No matter what happened I always had to show everyone with a smiling face. No matter what I felt. It always had to be a smiling face.

I was made up like this. They wanted me to be like this. I hate this. “Oh okay..” She just said and went away.

I didn’t mean to push her away. It’s just something that comes naturally. I tend to push people away. Because everyone is probably the same. If not everyone then the majority. I’m thankful she was kind enough to ask me if l was okay but I’m always be okay. I should try to be positive.

Though I always end up being pulled back in the darkness. I probably belong there. It’s not like there’s someone to love me anyways. I deserve to stay lonely and heartbroken.

I don’t think I’m lucky enough to have someone real. Lucky enough to have someone who knows how to love. Lucky enough to have someone who is okay with me expressing myself. Lucky enough to have someone who will want me to be happy.

I don’t think I can get that, probably do not deserve love, this is why I get this. It’s hard but it’s reality. Everytime I find something pure to love, I turn it into a obsession and get obsessed.

I can’t love anyone. Including myself. And I can’t let anyone love me. I sat down in the park for a while admiring the nature with my eyes. The world is so beautiful. Even it doesn’t deserve to have such cruel and heartless people to use it like nothing.

Why are people like this? Aren’t we all supposed to be human beings? Why do we turn into monsters. I saw a cat playing in the park as my gaze moved to her. Is she hungry?

She must be. I quickly got up to get some food for her from the nearest convenience store and got some meat for her. I got back to the park and saw her on the same spot. I quickly put the food near her so she could eat and went back to the place I was sitting. I wanted to caress her but I can’t. I’m scared of animals.

I’m scared of everything. It’s better if only love from a distance. I’m too scared to get hurt. I know this poor animal is pure and innocent but I’m too scared. I’m such a coward.

I sighed softly as I got up to go back to the house. “You’re back?” my sister asked me with a smile. She’s the only one who loves me. She shouldn’t though. It’s of no use. I make her mad all the time too. She’s someone who doesn’t get mad easily but I have the talent to bother everyone’s peace don’t I?

But she talks nicely to me after arguing with me for a little bit. It’s fine. I get that I make her mad. It’s my personality trait. I nodded my head at her as she spoke, “Can you help me a little?

I nodded my head sighing and slowly walked toward her.

“First you walk weirdly. Then you walk slowly. Why do you always have to have everyone making my fun? Why can’t you let people respect me. Everyone is talking shit about me because of you! Idiot.” My mother glared at me.

“Mom.. Don’t say that to her. She’s probably tired,” my sister said looking at me with pitiful eyes.

“True. You’re so useless. You have us insulted by everyone.” My brother chimed in joining my mother making me look down.

“I’m sorry,” I said walking toward my room. “I’ll get changed first.” I said to my sister and quickly walked to my room. I locked the door as I burst into tears and sat down.

There it is again. I have them insulted everywhere? I didn’t mean to. Is my existing that bad to people? Do they really despise me that much? Why? Wiping off my tears I quickly stood up and changed my clothes.

They re probably gonna say more to me if l don’t get changed quickly. Walking downstairs I heard some noises as though the car door have been slammed. I was about to walk to the kitchen as the front door opened, making everyone startled.

My mother looked toward the door but looked down as a shiver ran down her spine. I turned back around to see who stepped inside the house like that. But she quickly looked down as well finding the tall figure standing at the front door.

“Let’s go home,” He spoke as I nodded, walking to the room to get my suitcase as he waited for me.