C19 Chapter 19

Slowly, I walked to the door of the bathroom, to see what went wrong, to see what had happened.

My dad had ran immediately she ran inside the bathroom, so I couldn't see any of them until I was standing in front of the door, that was when I saw.

I saw her, she was laying on the ground, unmoving, pool of blood gathered around her head, I couldn't look, I never looked, till this day, I can't tell in detail what I saw because I didn't really look at her, I couldn't, I was scared of what I would see.

My dad had carried her, droplets of blood stained the floor, stained her orange gown, there was blood stains everywhere, he carried her from downstairs where everybody was watching and everybody had seen her, everybody that was at our house that day saw her and they never stopped talking about it.

They said her head was broken, they said it was the most treacherous thing they ever saw.

My dad could barely live after that, no one of us could, one moment she was there and the next moment, she was dead.

While she was running into the bathroom, she had slipped on the wet floor and her head landed on the bathtub.

While they were cleaning up our room, they found a diary, Ash's diary.

In it she wrote how she felt, about herself, about our family and about how the world treated her, the last page of her diary was written the day we had gotten our gowns for the birthday party.

She wrote and I quote because I remember every thing word for word.

“ I am angry, I can feel the rage burn through my skin, I feel the need to free the anger that is locked inside me.

Why do I always come last while my sister came first, on the day of our birth, she came first, in school she came first, everyone loves her, our parents, the neighbours, everyone. But it isn't their fault, she is beautiful, very beautiful, with shinny black hair, big green eyes that shone like the plants in momma's garden, and with the most adorable smile, but I look at my reflection in the mirror and I am disappointed at what I see, I have red hair that hardly grows, just about the most ordinary eyes, freckles on my face and ears that stands far away from my face, why did I get to be so ugly and my sister so beautiful.

My parents had allowed her to pick her own dress but they had given me a very ugly orange dress, it would go nice with your hair, they told me, I didn't even deserve to have a beautiful thing in my ugly life. “

After that day, after I had read that diary and realized that I was the cause of her death, my life changed completely. I just went around telling myself that I was fine, my parents had sent me to boarding school, typically where we met, they read the diary too, they felt guilty because they had chosen a favourite daughter and then they couldn't stand me, they couldn't look at me again, they had to send me off. If they could go back in time, they would treat the both of us equally, I was oblivious to the fact that they favoured me more, I was ten, how would I know.

Although I have a younger brother, his name is Jamie, my mother was pregnant for him when Ash had died, but, I didn't grow up knowing him, he was about six years old when I came back home, my parents didn't visit me while I was in school.

So you see, Darwin, you see the kind of person I am. “

" None of that was your fault. “

" Darwin, I'm not a good person, look at what I did to you. “

" You did good to me more than you did bad.“

" Thank you. “

" You don't have to say thank you to me, come here. “ I told her and she came to me.

I dropped my cup and I drew her in for a hug, we hugged for a long time, I enjoyed smelling her neck and her hair and I liked the way our bodies were merged together.

“I like your cologne." She said to me, her voice was husky.

“I love the sound of your voice right now."

After a while she spoke, she said,

" Don't go, stay with me.“

" I'll love to, but... “

" There has to be a but?. “

" I'm sorry. “

" It's fine, it is. “

I didn't want to leave her, but, I didn't want to go back to being the playboy I used to be, I had changed for the better.

I walked over to my house and I decided that I needed to have a house keeper, since I would always be at work.

I didn't know who to call to ask for help, where would I find a house keeper, I had never thought of looking for one, I didn't like the helps, my relationship with them while growing up made me hate them, one thing I know is that they liked to pry on someone's privacy, I remember a help that we had in Florida, Ritalin, she had the sturdiest legs I had ever seen and although she was hardworking, she had too many downsides, my parents didn't know this but whenever she cleaned their room, she would take any money she saw and then she would find something to use as cheap talk with the other maids.

She had weary eyes, the kind that would scrutinize you for moments on end, searching for something to judge you with, she always told me that I was rude and that I was bossy, even though I hardly ever spoke to her, no matter what I did, I knew that I would never go to her for help.

And, she complained about too many things, she always nagged, when I was going to boarding school, I was glad that I was leaving the house and I wasn't seeing her ever again.