C17 STORY FIVE Chapter 1
STORY FIVE: After I Got Cancer, I Couldn't Bear To Part With The World
This is the first year I was confirmed to have cancer. I was in Beijing.
Last August, when I was working in the company after a medical check-up, my boss sent me to the office, and I thought it was a business matter, so I hurried over because there was a project in hand, but it couldn't be carried out because of the equipment.
When I got to my boss's office, he was holding my report form in a daze. When he saw me coming, he motioned for me to sit aside.
He was in his forties and a little bald, but he didnt put on much airs. I was promoted by him, so I didnt stand on ceremony with him and sat on the sofa.
He handed me the medical report and looked at me. I'm in a hurry to get to work, too. Just tell him I have work to do, and Boss Liu says you don't have to work today.
I saw that he didn't look like he was joking. I took the medical examination report. I didn't have much, just a few pages, but not a single piece of paper had many numbers written on it that I couldn't understand. I flipped to the last page and saw some random criticism on it. I directly skipped it and saw the last line.
One of my indicators was very abnormal, and the doctor suggested that I go to the big hospital to check it out, to make sure, because it was an ordinary medical examination, and I could only look at some of the indicators and not confirm the illness, but there was something wrong with my indicators, and I thought maybe Boss Liu had a premonition at that time, otherwise he wouldn't have stopped me from working that day to check it out.
Boss Liu asked me to go to a famous local hospital for a check-up and told me very seriously that I had to go. I saw his expression and became a little suspicious of myself. My life was messy to begin with. I could accept anything that happened, but my career was rising. Even if I was sick, I couldn't let it go easily. This was how the adult world was. What I got was my own.
I was paid to drive up to the doctor, and when he had finished he told me to pay up on the first floor and start running around the department, then to take the samples to the pathology room and find her when the results came back, and her eyes looked so special that I suddenly had the feeling that something really was wrong with me.
But that's impossible.
I sat in the car and closed my eyes, and the doctors eyes went back and forth in my head, and before the disaster everyone seemed to have a sense of luck that I could get away with this ordeal, or that it had nothing to do with me, as if
I could put myself out of it.
I spent the next three days thinking about the way the doctor looked at me. Boss Liu asked me what the results were, and I said I hadnt come out yet, and he said hed let him know, and I said okay, and he patted me on the shoulder.
I went to the hospital three days later, and I was a big fan of Baidu, and I checked first, but this time I didnt dare. I went to the doctor with the lab sheet, and he looked at my list, and his voice became even, and he asked me what I used to have, and if anyone had followed me this time.
I said no, just myself, tell me what it was, the doctor had told me about the tumor, whether malignant or benign, and I was so confused that I froze on the spot, though before I came I had thought I might have something, maybe the spleen, my spleen was bad, maybe it was my brain, my brain needed rest, a good habit, but the tumor was nothing to do with me, how could I have a tumor?
I said, Doc, are you telling the truth? I was all right, I didnt have a problem, I was working before I came here, I was working overtime last week. How could I have a tumor?
The doctor said it was very likely that you had a tumor at the moment, and we need you to do a further examination to determine whether it is malignant or benign.
I turned around and left. I felt like this hospital was just a fool. It must be costing me money. It must be scaring me into getting a tumor and asking me to do an even more expensive examination. If it wasn't a scam, what was it?
The doctor called to me twice, but I didnt answer. I walked all the way to the parking lot, got in the car, turned on the fire, and heaved a sigh of relief.
I opened the checklist again and looked at it. I couldn't understand what was inside. I went to another hospital. There was also a famous hospital in Beijing, the Sino-Japanese hospital. I bought a number there and did a more detailed examination. Just like the first time I checked, I told my medical history and then carried out a series of tests. This time, there were two more things than the last hospital. The data were more detailed, but the fact seemed to be more solid.
I can't help it. I'm sick.
I was sitting on a hospital bench myself, and there were a lot of patients coming and going, transfusion patients, wheelchair patients, people with white cloths over their heads, and for a moment I felt very lonely, and I wanted to call home and say, Mom, Im sick, can you come and see me?
But I dared not. I sat on the hospital bench and cried, my head thrown back, tears streaming down my face.