C19 STORY FIVE Chapter 3

STORY FIVE: After I Got Cancer, I Couldn't Bear To Part With The World

Chapter 3

I don't know how to tell my family about this.

As I said above, people who care about you will magnify your state tenfold. Yao Min and I gradually accepted our current state, but what about my parents? How are they going to accept it?

I have discussed many ways with Yao Min, and she thinks it would be best to talk about it. Besides, she knows more about it in my mouth than anyone else.

Yao Min and I picked a day and drove to my parents"Place for about four hours. When we got home, my mother would be waiting for me at the village entrance. Yao Min and I walked back with her.

My mother was a real farmer, happy to know only that her son and daughter-in-law were coming, and she prepared a good meal at home and kept saying hello to her fellow villagers on the way, and I think I should always have been her pride, the only college student in the village, who had a decent job in the city and was doing well, as everyone knew.

In the past, I would come back every six months. This sudden return surprised her, but it was more of a joy. After we finished eating, Yao Min and I looked at each other and got down to business.

The real situation was often crueler than I expected. When I said this, my mother was clearly stunned. Tumors, cancer, she was not unfamiliar with these words. At her age, many people had died because of this. But at such a young age, when I suddenly associated myself with these two words, she could not accept it.

My mother passed out on the spot, and my father and I took her to the hospital, where my father kept sighing outside, a quiet man who had told me outside that he should have been told in advance.

I didnt want to give up the chance to tell my mother about it, but there were a lot of things wrong with it, a lot of things I hadnt thought through, and this was the first time Id ever been in a situation like this.

When my mother woke up, the doctor said not to be stimulated, so Yao Min went over to accompany her. They were all girls, so it should be easier to communicate with each other. My father and I were chatting outside.

"When did you find out about this? "

"A week ago. "

"Did you go to the hospital? "

"Yes, I'm undergoing chemotherapy. "

"Is this disease easy to treat? What did the doctor say? "

"The doctor can't say for sure, but I have to perform an operation. I don't know how it's going to be. "

"Yes. "

There was a long silence. My father lowered his head, crossed his arms, and turned to look at me. "How old are you this year? "

"Thirty-one after the Lunar New Year. "

"Oh, oh. "

He said, "Oh, that's good. "

I don't know what he meant by that, but at this time, Yao Min had already helped my mother out. As expected, the only person who could communicate with women at this time was women.

My mother looked tired, especially tired.

There were three sisters in my family, two older sisters, and I remember one year when the family was so miserable that I had to go to school, but there were only four sacks of grain in the house, and I asked her for money in front of the burning stove, and she didnt speak, but thrust the stove down so hard that the soot came tumbling out of it, mixed with a great amount of dust, and rushed to her face, and the red light of the fire shone in her eyes, stinging and bright and full of fatigue.

I said to her, "Mom, the teacher said 138 yuan and 30 cents for this semester. "

She bent her head and concentrated on the stove. Without looking up, she said, "I know. I'll give it to the teacher. It's not safe for you to take so much money. Go to school first. "Then I really believed her. When I went to school, I found out that my mom didn't give it to the teacher. The teacher told me with a smile that you had left school early.

I walked to the school gate to say goodbye to the teacher. I was very excited to carry my backpack and walk back, but the further away I left the school gate, the more I felt that something was wrong. I turned around, and the teacher closed the door.

I cried and ran home, and at dinner that night I told her about it, and I said I had left school early today, but there was no one at home, and I waited at the door for a long time, and it was dark, and then you came back, and where have you been?

Mom said, "I went to the bank to get money. "

On the third day, my mother and I went to school together, paid my tuition, and I went on, and when I thought about it again a long time later, I suddenly understood why she had come home so late that night.

Even in that life, my mothers exhaustion was not as desperate as I had seen it, and I thought it might have been a happy time, even under the weight of it, when each of us was like ants in a crevice, and though it was depressing, restless, and even untenable, the days were good, bright, and bright.

She walked slowly over, and I stood up quickly, a little afraid to look at her, as if I had done something wrong when I was a child, my palms sweating slightly.

I did do something wrong. Over the years, my mother would say"Take care of yourself"Every time I made a phone call, but I always took it as an indistinct sentence. Now that I thought about it, it was more like a task. It was like when my parents went to the fields when I was young and couldn't bear for you to go, I let you cook at home. When I left, I always had to remind you, "Remember to prepare the food on time. "

"Remember, prepare the food. "

"Remember, finish your homework. "

"Remember, take good care of yourself. "

This task was too simple. No matter how wronged you were outside your home for more than twenty years, you seemed to be living quite well. How come you couldn't even complete this simplest task once you went out?

Tears welled up in my eyes, and my nose was sore. All the complicated emotions turned into a jar of vinegar that ran down my chest and into my nose. I really didn't know what to say, what to say, and I called out to her.

"Mom. "

When my mother heard my voice, she did not answer, and the atmosphere suddenly froze into a piece of crystal clear glass. I did not know where this oppressive feeling came from, but for a moment, it felt as if something had suddenly collapsed in my heart.

"Mom. "

I called to her again.

My mother slowly stretched out her hand and looked at me. "Son, you're back. "

I nodded.

Mother said, "Okay, let's go home. "

I said, "Okay. "

I followed my mother, Yao Min beside me, my father behind me, and the four of us slowly left the place. My mother raised her head like a general opening up a battlefield, and my father stood behind us in silence, like a silent march.

Yao Min and I were just two kids in trouble.

When we got home, it was easier to drive home, and there was a lot of food left over, and it got hot without buying anything new, and during dinner my father asked me about my condition, which my mother roughly interrupted, but when I looked at my mother's cell phone, I found a lot of key words for my condition in her Baidu search.

Mother was a very secretive person. She said that it was bad luck or something, but she secretly read those handwritten articles on the Internet. It was not scientific, it was just eye-catching. Eating garlic could prevent cancer, so she went to the market to buy a bunch of garlic. She heard that she went to bed early, woke up early, lived a regular life, and would be good to me, so she asked me to walk with her in the morning.

How could I stand people who couldn't get up this morning? A few days ago, I basically couldn't get up, but later on, under her constant insistence, I had to obey, and later on, I got used to it. However, there were times when she didn't do well. For example, in the past, she didn't believe in religion, and she didn't know who said that she pasted a cross at home. Then, she didn't know who said that the other one specialized in cancer treatment, so she went to another church and got a painting. In order to prevent the two sects from fighting, she arranged for them to stay in two rooms.

Every morning I could see her get up and recite the scriptures, and make me recite them, saying that you believed whoever was good to me, and I wouldnt do it. After all, thirty years of materialism, and I didnt believe in ox ghosts or evil gods.

A few days later, I cooked a meal at home and called my two sisters over for dinner. After dinner, I told them about my situation. By the way, I still had three nieces. When I used to go home, I would always surround me and let me show them Paige the piglet. This time, I told them, "I'm sorry, Uncle can't accompany you to look after Paige the piglet this time, but Uncle brought you gifts. "

They were very satisfied with the new clothes they had bought. It was fine as long as they were kids, but adults could not coax them. My eldest sister did not say a word after hearing this. Second sister kept cursing and crying after hearing this.

My second sister was a very shrewd person. Yes, she was a very shrewd person because my second sister was not much older than me. When I was young, it was my second sister who brought me to fight with others. A little girl fought with others, causing red marks to appear on her face. At that time, her teachers called her"Little Penny. "

Later on, my second sister stopped going to school. She was also very popular at work. She was also a team leader at the counter now. Usually, fights were very fierce, but this time, she couldn't be fierce.

She kept cursing, not knowing who to call, and then she kept wiping away her tears, and the little niece went up to her and asked, "Mom, Mom, what are you crying for? "

Second Sister did not speak. Her niece seemed to want to ask, but her father carried her away.

On the contrary, Eldest Sister was much quieter. After she heard this, she fell silent for a long time before hiding in the bathroom.

The atmosphere suddenly became very gloomy. The child was playing with his father over there. His mother knocked on the table and said to Second Sister, "Go with Yao Min and clean up the table. Don't let Yao Min clean up by herself. "

As I had expected at first, it was hard to accept at first, but then, whether it was my state of mind or the time factor, everyone slowly came to accept it, and I thought maybe it wasnt just that, maybe everything was the same, everyone just needed a little time to get used to it.

My sister phoned my brother-in-law, and soon they came over in the evening, and at dinner they all agreed not to mention it, and they ate happily, as they always did at family dinners, and I think my mother told them not to mention it, not to burden me, and I was in good spirits, which might have been my last consolation.

After living at home for a while, I had almost all the medicine I had brought with me, and the day of chemotherapy was coming, so I was going back to Beijing, and my mother wanted to go with me, and my father wanted to go, but my mother wouldnt let me, and there were still a lot of things to do at home, and my mother wanted my father to stay and take care of them.

Before he left, my father made dumplings at home, because there is a proverb in our place called"Get on the horse dumplings off the horse noodles, "It is if someone in the family went far away, make dumplings, wish him a smooth journey, health.

After eating the dumplings, it was about time for me to set off. The four of us walked slowly to the village entrance, just like when I first came back-chatting with the old men and women who had watched me grow up. They kept saying,

"Heh, this kid from the Jiang family is really good ..."

My mother chatted with them too, and we walked around in bags and bags, and one of us said, "Her aunt, go to the city and get some old age.

His mother smiled and nodded. "Yes, he's here to pick me up. "

"Let's go to the city to enjoy ourselves. Leave the old man to look after his home. "

"Hahaha. "

Everyone laughed, and Father walked behind, his head bowed.

We walked slowly to the car and raced to the trunk. I got in the driver's seat, drove, rolled down the window and said to my father, "Okay, go home. I'll call you when we get there. "

My father waved his hand and let me go first. My mother said from behind, "Okay, let's go first. Let the old man go home by himself. It's close to home. He can go home. "

I started the car and watched the man in the rearview mirror shrink as he stood looking after me without letting go of his hand.

I suddenly remembered that a few days ago, when I was drinking with him at home, he said to me, "Son, our relationship since young was not good. I know you're afraid of me. I often beat you up. I know it's my fault. Your dad is here to apologize to you. Don't mind it. "

He drank a glass of wine, half as seriously as if he had been out on a social call.

I was stunned. "Dad, what did you do? I'm not that bad right now. Besides, I used to be naughty, so I deserve to be beaten up. "

I drank a little too.

"I don't know how sick you are, "He said, "But it's good that we're together. Anyway, I've been content with my whole life. You know why your dad and I are so cultured and incompetent. The only thing we're proud of is having a college student like you.

"I won't go with your mother this time. I still have some matters at home, so I'll go over after I'm done with them. "

"Yes. "

I think I can make it through him.

I returned to Beijing, more than three hours of high-speed let me a little tired, finally Yao Min helped me to drive home, my home on the thirteenth floor, after moving things back, we went to rest.

After my mother came here, our days were obviously better. When Yao Min went to work during the day, my mother took on the heavy responsibility of taking care of me. In fact, all she did was watch me take medicine every day and cook for me. I also had nothing to do. I did a little training every day. Sometimes, I would go to the office to take a walk.

My project had already been transferred to Boss Liu. He was very happy to see me, so I would do something for him. He paid me by the hour.

I saved my money in Alipay and sometimes let Yao Min remember my Alipay number, along with some other accounts like WeChat or Weibo, and when I was young I wrote novels and had a fan base that I thought might one day greet not me but my wife.

I'm sorry I couldn't fill in the hole even after digging it.

I smiled and said, Next year, next year, I will definitely be there, and hung up. I looked at the picture in the cloud, that year, we graduated from a university, he 23, I 22, in the photo, blue sky, white clouds, grass, bachelor hat, we laughed very bright.

This idiot.

I smiled.

That year, our lives had only just begun, but halfway down the road, I was about to get off the train. The train of fate was still moving forward, but my train ticket, that was all I could do.

My mother asked a lot of people and found a prescription for me. After I finished eating, I was sent to the hospital with red pimples all over my body. The doctor said that it was allergic. My mother was in a state of extreme self-blame. Of course, I comforted her and asked her what my bank card number and password were. She remembered everything.

In the middle of the night, I was in bed. The pain came as promised. I gritted my teeth and fell asleep quietly on the bed beside me. I didn't know how sad she would be when she saw her son's ferocious expression. I could only grit my teeth and not make a sound.

I knew it would be hard for them, it would be hard for me, I had to hold on to something, I knew my body was getting worse and worse, the cancer cells were gnawing holes in my body, I weighed only 50 kg now, and I was very thin, but the more I did that, the more I wanted to live, and only now did I know that I couldn't bear to part with so much.

I closed my eyes, and that night I had a dream that my body had recovered, that I could get out of bed and walk, that I could still work, and when my father came over from home, I smiled and said, Look, what did I say?

He said, "You are my son. "

We both laughed.

June 8, 2020, 14: 25, confirming metastasis.

On 13 June 2020, he was discharged completely and placed in an intensive care unit.

Surgery, June 20, 2020.

I love you, and I love the world.

I'm sorry.

Epilogue by the author:

It was based on the true story of a cancer patient the author had come into contact with while he was in the hospital on an expedition, and it was even worse than the story: twenty thousand a month in medical bills, his wife's depression, his two children going to school, and life was difficult. I wrote this when I got back from the hospital.

I'm sorry.