C1 BE MY MODEL

"So Lauren, are you seeing someone now?"

"Uh, no. I'm not seeing someone now," I paused. "But who knows? Baka 'pag labas ko sa studio na 'to magkasalubong kami ng soulmate ko, right?" I said to which we laughed.

We were in the studio of a late night talk show that air every saturday. It was a tape interview. The production and staffs are very welcoming and the host seems so jolly.

"Talaga? Parang ang hirap paniwalaan na wala kang boyfriend. Not to mention, that you are the highest paid model in the country," she said.

"Oh, I don't shut the door for relationship. But for now, I still want to focus on my career," I said.

Hindi naman ako nagmamadali, ayoko ng madaliin ang mga bagay-bagay.

She nodded. "Okay. Now, the next question is sensitive. This is for the verification to a rumor that trends through social media," she said.

I looked at her eyes, my face is in serious now. Waiting for the question I already know that will be asked.

Of course, my manager checked the question before the interview starts. She consulted it to me, and I said it is okay. I also want to end that rumor.

"It is said that, Lauren Avery Rivera and Paul Jaden Basco got married and divorced later on, there were also articles about it. Is this just one of those fake news from your bashers or is it true?" she carefully asked.

I sighed heavily and calmed myself. I felt every fiber of my being is nervous, but I still managed my poise. I don't know how my dear bashers got information about my relationship with him, but then, it wasn't suprised me. That's how my career got all along.

Then, the memories with him started to run on mind.

It was a normal day at school. I had a bad day because of my dad. He was still convincing me to take the course Political Science and Law school after college. But, I guess I'm the black sheep of the family. We were family of Lawyers and here I am taking Bachelor of Arts in Communication.

I wanted to be a professional model. Gusto kong nakaharap sa camera, hindi sa mga taong nasa korte.

Kahit ayaw ng parents ko sa desisyon ko, wala naman silang nagawa.

I walked go to soccer field and sat on a bench. It was lunch break. There were so many students in the café teria looking for seats to eat lunch, so I'd to eat fast and leave.

Second semester na pero wala pa rin akong kaibigang makakasama kahit isa. Meron naman akong nakakausap sa klase, but I felt like they're quite distant to me.. tho it's fine. I'm just contented to my high school friends, ito nga mga nag-i-ingay sa Group chat.

ellisefaith: Guys! GT sa sunday. Walang mawawala ha!

kevsimson: Oo, tapos 'pag nakabingwit na 'tsaka ka mawawala!

shaira_g: Pati pagbabayad ng drinks nakakalimutan, ako na naman mag aabono. But this time, para kay ellise, gora!

claudineee: Guys calm down. Si ellise lang 'yan. Magandang broken hearted lang hahahaha

itslauren: Time?

ellisefaith: Mga kingina kayo!

ellisefaith: 10pm Lav

Napailing na lang ako. I hid my phone and grabbed my bag. I was about to leave when I heard clicks of.. camera? I looked around but I saw nothing. I was about to check if he hid himself to a near big branch of tree, but the bell rang. I'd to run to go in my class because my prof was not a big fan of explanations why late.

The other day was stressful. It was our final exam week, so I had to study my ass of. I'd to study in the library and review all the subjects of first day of exam. I am not a studious type but I do care for my grades. Actually, I'm running for the Dean's Lister.

Tahimik akong nag-re-review na may maramdaman akong mga mata na nakatingin sa gawi ko. I looked around only to see someone standing beside of the bookshelf. I quickly noticed the camera slung on his neck. May hawak siyang libro at kunwaring nagbabasa. Halata naman dahil baliktad 'yung libro, 'tsaka pwede namang umupo dahil may mga bakante pang upuan sa tabi ng table ko.

I shrugged. Wala akong panahon para punahin siya.

The other day, I'd to go to the library again. For some reason, my prof gave us seatwork that needs to pass before lunch break. She said na pumunta kami ng library at hanapin 'yung book dahil hindi namin 'yon mahahanap sa internet.

I was busy looking for that book when suddenly I bumped into someone's chest. Napaupo ako at dinamdam 'yung sakit ng pwetan ko. When I opened my eyes, I saw someone who were hurriedly picking his things, not just things.. I saw my pictures. I looked up to his face and quickly recognized him. It was him! 'Yung baliw na nagbabasa ng baliktad na libro sa library!

He was hesitant to look straight on my face. And when our eyes met, his cheeks suddenly turned red. Mas binilisan niya pang kunin 'yung iba n'yang gamit 'tsaka siya nagmadaling umalis. It was weird. Bakit siya may mga pictures ko? Stalker ko ba siya?

After eating lunch, I'd to roam around to find that jerk! Gusto ko siyang tanungin kung bakit siya may mga pictures ko, and they were not just pictures, they were stolen! Pakukulong ko siya sa tatay kong abogado!

I stopped in front of room B-305 and found him! Bakit ba ito 'yung last room na pinuntahan ko, e' nandito lang pala 'to! Hinintay kong may lumabas na isang kaklase n'ya 'tsaka ko siya tinuro para kausapin. Ayokong kumatok dahil nakakahiya, isa pa hindi ko alam ang pangalan nung kumag na 'yon.

When he finally came out, he got shocked. He also stiffened. So, I'd to speak first, bago siya mawalan ng malay sa harap ko.

"Why do you have my pictures?"

'Tsaka niya lang natikom 'yung bibig niya. He cleared his throat so I thought he will answer my question. Seconds have passed, pero ingay lang sa loob nung room nila ang narinig ko.

"Bakit ka may pictures ko?" tanong ko ulit.

"Uhm.. aaaa-ano kasi.."

I pursed my lips to stifle my laugh.

Ang daming 'A' 'nun, ah.

"Gusto mo bang ipakulong kita?"

Kung sira ulo lang 'to malamang tinanong na 'ko nito kung bakit kulong agad.

Bigla siyang tumingin sa mga mata ko. Sandali akong naligaw doon. Do'n ko lang napansin 'yung kulay brown niyang mga mata.

"Uh, hindi. K-kaya ako may pictures mo.. k-kasi.. gusto kita.." he paused, "-ng gawing model ko sa isang subject."

I blinked twice before processing what he said. Did I hear that right?

"What?"

"Be my model."

I don't know what reason made me accept his favor. Sabi niya kung papayag daw ako, ako daw ang unang modelo na kukunan niya 'pag naging isang ganap na professional photographer siya.

For some reason, he knows what my course, at kung saan 'yung room namin. Maybe because he'd always follow me to take great pictures for his subject. Bakit kaya 'di na lang siya lumapit at personal na magtanong? Napagkamalan ko pa tuloy siyang stalker. And I even called him jerk! Wala naman akong problema sa bagay na 'yun, e. Duh! My course says it all. I even have had to argue about it with dad.

The next day, we had three hours vacant. Two profs ang nagsabi na 'di sila magka-klase. Of course, our grades will be out soon, so baka busy sila sa pag-co-compute.

I'd nothing to do, so pumunta na lang ako'ng library para matulog. I plugged my earphones but didn't turn on the music. Tumungo lang ako at umidlip. I felt someone sat in front of me so I woke up.

"Bakit ka nandito?"

"Bakit ka natutulog dito?"

"Bakit ka nakiki-alam?"

"Bakit 'di ako makiki-alam?"

I let out a sigh. "Okay, don't talk to me anymore."

He laughed and then all the students and even the librarian hushed him. 'Buti nga.

"Alam mo bang masungit ka, na may pagka-mabait?" tanong niya.

"You know what? You're talking nonsense?"

He chuckled. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Akala ko mahiyain ka. Nasa'n na 'yung namumula ang pisngi at nauutal na nakausap ko?" na sana hindi nagbago at naging isang malaking panggulo sa buhay ko, kagaya ng nasa harapan ko ngayon.

I sighed. Of course, I did not add that.

"FYI, hindi ako mahiyain. Nagulat at, let's say na-starstruck, lang talaga ako nung mga time na 'yun," he said with his annoying smile.

"Okay. Sabi mo, e. Anyway, naipasa mo na ba 'yung pictures? That's the last thing I will do for you."

"Yes, uhm, oo naipasa ko na. Malaki 'yung naging grade ko. Ganda kasi nung nakuha kong modelo, e. Thanks miss ganda."

"Don't call me that!" I said. Na parang napalakas ata dahil pinatahimik din ako ng ilang estudyante at ng nagbabantay sa library.

After that, he always appear out of nowhere. Even if I frankly told him that he's kinda creepy because he was being 'fc', as in feeling close. Mabait naman si PJ, 'yung pagiging annoying niya lang talaga ang ayoko sa kanya.

My phone vibrated. I checked it and saw Kev calling. I'm here, no scratch that, we are here in soccer field. He's busy taking pictures of sky and everything here.

"Pinapasundo ka sa 'kin ni Ellise. Ngayon daw natin ituloy 'yung naudlot na lakad."

Yeah, hindi kami natuloy. For some reason, 'daming naging hindrance para 'di 'yon matuloy. I missed them! Lalo na 'yung pagiging tanga namin 'pag magkakasama.

"Sige, sa gate na lang ng school. I'll just text manong and call dad para makapag-paalam."

Madami pang sinabi si Kevin bago niya ibaba 'yung tawag. I turned and saw PJ looking at me with creased forehead.

"What?"

"Can I join?"

I blinked twice and furrowed eyebrows. Did he just eavesdrop our conversation?

"No. And, bakit ba nakikinig ka ng usapan ng may usapan?"

"You were smiling so I got curious."

I started to walk, with him bugging me behind. "Tsismoso ka."

"Isama mo na 'ko, please?"

"'Di ka lang tsismoso, feeling close ka pa. Hindi mo pa nga sila nakikita sa personal, makikihang-out ka pa sa 'min."

"Nando'n ka naman, e. At magaling din akong makisama. Try me."

"Still no."

"Laaaavvv!" Kev shouted. Napapikit na lang ako sa hiya dahil madaming nakarinig ng pagsigaw niya sa nickname ko.

"Love? Boyfriend mo?" PJ asked. Nabiktima rin ng nickname ko.

Kev draped his arm to my shoulder, smiling. "Sino 'yang kasama mo?" he whispered. I rolled my eyes, based on his tone, type n'ya na agad 'yan.

"Uhm, sige una na 'ko sa inyo. Bye, Lauren. See you next time." PJ waved his hand and turned his back against to us.

Simula no'n, wala ng PJ na bigla-bigla na lang susulpot. Well, I'm okay with that. I need peace. Pero nakakamiss din 'yung pagiging annoying niya. Whatever, bahala s'ya. Hanggang sa huling araw ng pasok, 'di ko na siya nakita.

I'm spending my vacation in Boracay with my family when I received a text from unknown number.

"Hi. Si Paul 'to. Got your number from your friend."

After reading that, I turned it off. Wala akong kilalang Paul. 'Tsaka sino namang kaibigan ko ang sinasabi no'n? I shrugged and just go to the bathroom to change into black two piece. I put on sunscreen and checked my face. And then my phone beeped again. It was still from the unknown number.

"Wala ka bang load? Pasahan kita?"

What? Seriously? Huh! Ano bang akala nito sa 'kin?

I didn't bother to reply and just leave the room.

Nagpicture muna kami buong family. Then, my two older sisters decided to roam around so I joined them. We took pictures. And I posted some of it on instagram.

it'slauren: With the fam!

I even put a heart emoticon and then posted it. Just then, I received comments from relatives and friends. But there was only one comment that caught my attention. He just commented a black heart emoticon. I clicked the profile of him.

It was him, PJ Basco. I just then realized he was following me but I didn't follow him back.

My phone beeped, it was an inbox message from him.

pjbasco: follow back namarn d'yan

it'slauren: kailan mo pa 'ko finollow?

pjbasco: since I saw you :)

pjbasco: so, ngayon mo lang napansin? grabe ka, famous mo talaga, 'no?

it'slauren: 'di lang ako nagf-follow back ng 'di ko kilala.

pjbasco: so i-follow back mo na nga 'ko, since magkakilala na tayo Lav :)

I rolled my eyes and clicked the follow back button that attached on his profile.

Wait, so alam niya na 'yung nickname ko? How?

I'm still laying on my bed, tinatamad pa 'kong tumayo. Gusto ko pang matulog. My phone beeped again. I know it was from Basco. I learned from him that he's the Paul who messaged me last time na 'di ko nireplyan. He got my number from Kev, nagkita daw sila last time around BGC.

pjbasco: good morning, lav!

I rolled my eyes so hard. Since he learned about my nickname, he always called me by that. As in, every sentence.

it'slauren: morning

Suddenly, my phone rang. Nabitawan ko pa dahil sa gulat at tumama pa sa mukha ko!

"What?!"

"Wowowooah! Bakit ka naninigaw?"

"Bakit ka ba kasi tumawag?"

"Bakit mainit ulo mo?"

"Pasabugin ko kaya ulo mo?"

He then laughed so hard. I could even hear him catching his breath. I rolled my eyes, he was so annoying!

"I just want to hear your voice in the morning," nakabawi na ng hininga.

"Saya mo 'no? Bye!" then I ended the call.

It was enrollment day, I'd to prepare to go to school. I'm just wearing a white top, black jeans, and also white sneakers. I put on some make up and leave.

"Hi, Lav!" I rolled my eyes. Akala ko si Kev lang magpapahiya sa 'kin, may dumagdag pang isa.

"Patingin schedule mo?" he asked and just grabbed it, not giving me chance to protest.

"May pupuntahan ka ba 'pag tapos mo dito sa school?"

"Wala."

"Grabe, 'kala ko monthly lang may dalaw ang babae. Araw-araw pala," he scoffed.

I faced him. Ngumisi lang siya sa 'kin. He always wear that boyish smile. And it always annoys me.

"Ano bang gusto mo?"

"Ha?"

"Bakit mo 'ko laging iniinis?"

"Ha, how 'yo like that!"

F uck, I tried to control myself. I don't want to make a scene today. I started to walk. Kung magtatagal pa 'ko dito baka 'di ako makapagpigil at sabunutan siya.

"Lav sorry na," he pleaded. "Uhm, gusto sana kitang yayain mamaya. May sasabihin din kasi ako sa 'yo," he went on.

Tinuloy ko lang paglalakad ko. Not bothered to give him attention.

"May gusto akong aminin."

I stopped walking. I looked at his eyes and saw he's like begging. I sighed.

"Bakit tayo nandito?" I asked.

"Bakit, hindi mo ba gusto dito?"

We were in a buffet resto. I thought, dadalhin niya 'ko sa coffee shop o sa place na mas tahimik.

"Ano ba 'yung aaminin mo?"

"Uhm, let's talk about it later. Tara pili muna tayo."

I only got steak and vegetable salad. Kailangan kong i-maintain ang katawan ko habang maaga.

"Sana pala sa restaurant nalang kita dinala, bakit ba ang konti mong kumain?"

"So, ano 'yung gusto mong aminin?" I asked him again. Bakit ba pinapatagal niya pa 'to?

"Grabe, atat ka?" he said and chuckled.

I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Uhm, remember when I asked you to be my model?" he asked.

"Yes," my attention was on my steak, masarap pala steak nila dito.

"I lied."

I put down my fork and knife and looked at his eyes, I nodded, "I know."

He partially parted his lips, probably shocked that I knew. I rolled my eyes.

"Nakita ko 'yung sapatos mo habang nagtatago ka sa puno, which you usually wear," sabi ko.

Siya lang 'yung nakilala kong tao na nakasuot ng Balenciaga white sneakers kahit umuulan.

"Noong nagre-review ako for finals, at nakatayo ka malapit sa 'kin na parang ewan na nagbabasa ng libro. Paano mo nababasa 'yon e nakabaliktad 'yon?" I asked while slicing my steak.

"And, 'yung mga stolen pictures ko 'di ba dapat sa prof mo ipapasa 'yon at hindi iniiipit sa libro?"

I lifted my eyes to him and he was like dumbfounded.

"So, all this time alam mo?" he asked.

I nodded, "So, tell me anong gusto mo?"

He looked deep to my eyes and heaved a sigh, "Ikaw. I-I mean, I like you."

"Okay. I like you too."

"W-what? You like me too? Tama ba ang narinig ko?" he asked to which I nodded.

"So, ano tayo? Uhm, liligawan muna kita, gano'n?"

I laughed a bit. "I said I like you too, hindi na kailangan ng ligaw kasi nagustuhan na kita."

"So, you mean.." he asked. Still not believing. So, I had to say it myself.

"Oo, tayo na."

My relationship with him was mature enough to stick us together for six years. We always eat lunch together. Review together. Drink together. We were always together. I was happy with him, though he annoys me all the f ucking time.

My family and his was okay with that. They supported our relationship.

As cliche it goes, time flew fast if you're happy. Now, it's our six anniversary. And I'm so excited to see his shocked face.

I drove fast from mall because I bought a cake. It has engraved "Happy 6th Anniversary, Love!". I liked surprising him kasi sabi niya minsan lang daw ako mag-effort, at kapag sinu-surprise ko siya para s'yang batang iiyak na. He's so cute.

"I'm home!" I shouted from outside of the house.

After graduation, he asked me na 'wag na daw akong magtrabaho kasi may family business naman daw sila which he's now the owner. It was a production team, so kahit papaano tumutulong-tulong ako sa paghahanap ng talents and clients. Umuuwi siya para mag-edit. Ayaw niya sa building kasi nadi-distract lang daw siya sa 'kin. Kasalanan ko bang sobrang mahal niya lang ako kaya 'di siya makapag-trabaho ng maayos?

We're a year married couple now. It was on my birthday when he bended his knee to propose engagement. Sabi niya sigurado na daw siya sa 'kin at doon din kami tutungo so bakit pa patatagalin. I said yes, because honestly, I saw future with him.

And then, one day hinihingan na niya 'ko ng anak. Honestly, I'm not ready for that. I don't know, parang wala pa sa isip ko 'yung pag-aalaga at pagpapalaki ng bata. We had fight because of that. He said he will take care of the kid kung ayoko. I don't want that. Ayokong maramdaman ng bata na hindi siya mahal ng sarili niyang ina. Gusto ko kapag nagka-anak ako, handa at hindi ako napilitan lang.

I still want to pursue my dreams first before building a family. My dream is to be a professional model, at hindi pa 'ko nagiging gano'n. Naging away din namin ni PJ 'yon. Sabi n'ya kaya niya 'kong pakainin ng hindi ako nagmo-model.

Ang kaso, gusto ko talagang maging model. I wanted to walk on runaway. Got flashed from cameras. I wanted that. I wanted to do what I love.

I opened the entrance door because he didn't open it for me, usually pinagbubuksan niya 'ko ng pinto kahit busy siya sa pag-eedit. Binaba ko muna 'yung bag ko at binuksan 'yung cake. Sila Kev at Ellisse ang pumili nito since kasama ko sila kanina. Nag-aya si Claud na kumain. Lahat ng kumakain sa resto napapatingin sa 'min, maingay lang talaga kami 'pag magkakasama.

Sinindihan ko muna 'yung kandila 'tsaka dinala sa kwarto kung saan siya nag-e-edit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit madilim, nakabayad naman kami ng ilaw this month. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan, parang tanga.

I was about to open the door of our room when I heard moans. Sa sobrang pagkatulala ko, nabitawan ko 'yung cake. Nagkalat sa sahig 'yung chocolate cake na paborito n'ya. Natulala lang ako do'n ng ilang minuto.

I heaved a sigh to calm myself. Siguro guni-guni ko lang 'yon. I shut my eyes hardly before to open the door. And I was like dumbfounded when I saw him and a TV host.. together.. naked..

I got back my senses when the host asked the final question.

"Are you still holding grudges for him?" she asked.

I looked at her. She seems so bothered, so I gave her an assuring smile.

Years had passed. Siguro totoo 'yung kasabihan na Time heals. Pagkatapos 'nung incident na 'yon, pinutol ko na kung ano 'yung meron sa 'min. My dad wanted to file a case but I protested. Honestly, gusto ko siyang ipakulong. But that time, I still love him. Sinisi ko 'yung sarili ko. Sinisi ko lahat ng pagkukulang ko sa kanya. But later on, I realized, it was not healthy anymore.

Before you love others, you must love yourself first.

So, after months I applied modeling to different agencies. And got call to a prestigious agency in the country.

I started to build myself so I would be complete again. And I love myself even more now.

"No. I finally accepted what he did and understand why he did it. I also realized my fault and accepted it. Hindi madali, pero hindi rin imposibleng magpatawad. And time flew fast if you're doing what you love. Kahit hindi laging masaya, basta gusto mo 'yung ginagawa mo, magiging motivated ka pa rin. And I think nakatulong sa akin ang pagmo-modeling para matanggap ang lahat ng nangyari noon. Ang mahalaga pare-pareho tayong masaya," I paused. "Masaya akong nahanap niya sa 'yo 'yung pagkukulang ko," I said and smiled to her. The wife of my ex-husband.

Hindi ko masisisi si PJ na nagustuhan niya 'to. She's smart and entertaining, bonus na 'yung ganda.

I smiled to myself. I'm proud to myself that I could really say that.

I turned my eyes to the camera in front of us, weakly smiling. Behind those lens was PJ, my ex-husband who are now a father of two, also smiling, the boyish smile that annoys me every time. Those brown eyes that captivated me. I forced myself not to roll my eyes. He always have that annoying aura.