C4 4. Formulas and problem solving

I felt myself turning into steel. My body reacted to the word immediately and that stiffness of surprise took over. Demons. The word had an echoing effect in my head. I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to know, it seemed like something so repelling. The word itself. The fear had never loosened its grip on me throughout that night though now, it wasn’t fear anymore, it was an emotion so powerful I cannot possibly describe.

I couldn’t help myself from hyperventilating.

There was this noise; I heard something. Barely distinguishable over the sound of crunching wood was the sound of voices. Panicked voices. He heard that as well and I felt him tighten underneath me. It was the kind of reaction you get from a disorientated, confused animal. The smoke around us was getting thicker, made breathing so incredibly hard. “What are you doing? Get us out of here,” I said, not even trying to sound composed.

“Humans. They mustn’t see us.” He breathed sounding equally anxious.

“Well do something about it!” I pressured coughing as he kept on circling, flirting with the life-threatening flames. The voices were louder now and the sound of a siren was discernible. We were cornered, absolutely trapped. I did not actually realize how he managed to get us out of there just on time; just before the flames ate us alive, but he did. He somehow maneuvered in that suffocating smoke and got us out.

With the same astounding skill he flew just a foot above the ground and came to a stop landing on his abdomen. I quickly got off his back and imitated him; lay on my belly.

“Just keep quiet and they won’t notice,” he instructed in a breathless whisper.

Mayhem and destruction were all around us. Firefighting units and vehicles arrived. People battled with the ravenous flames, it was chaotic. I found it hard to believe it would be so challenging to put out a fire in such cold conditions. I immediately realized this wasn’t a fire of the normal kind. Nothing was of the normal kind. We both, silently watched hiding behind curved snow. I felt a knot tying itself around my heart; it was painful watching my memories of the forest turning into ash. It was one of the few places I loved the most.

The people seemed so puzzled, lost, disorientated. There was a massive hum of yells, instructions, orders and fright. He suddenly turned his head around to face me. “It will go out only when They want it too…” he confessed quietly. They; I was right to think that this was something abnormal.

We were facing a road packed with people, firefighters, police cruisers and trucks. The sight of my mother in her nightwear made me squeak. We were too far away from each other for her to hear that weak sound I got out of my throat but He still gave me a silencing look. Her black eyes looked haunted; she seemed as if searching for someone. My dad. My breath caught.

A police officer came up to her. “It’s too dangerous for you to be here, ma’am,” he said with a distinctive rough, deep voice.

“You don’t understand, officer. I have to find her!” she cried in obvious panic.

I realized who she was searching for. And it hurt.

“I have to find my daughter!” she insisted, attempting to walk past the cop. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t,” said the policeman grabbing her firmly by the arm.

My mother turned hysterical. She screamed and yelled and cried as the man dragged her away from the flames. “I need to find my baby!” she shouted desperately, her every scream came out louder than the previous one. Before I could think of anything else He grabbed my wrist. “Can you run?” he questioned nervously.

“I think…” I replied startled.

“Good,” he muttered and pulled me up with one move. And in just a moment we were darting through the woods.

I wondered how I could keep up with him, running so inhumanly fast, but yet I could do it. We ran so rapidly everything around us turned into a blur. And I wasn’t even putting effort in it. I gave myself no time to question, just ran making everything else’s significance trivial. I followed him absolutely silent.

We stopped on the edge of a cliff where he turned around and stared at me. He looked deeper into my eyes and I couldn’t help myself from looking back into his. His stare was intense, almost… hypnotizing. Gradually, my picture of the world obscured until I lost consciousness. I felt a pair of arms catching me just before I would hit the ground.

*

I was sweating, the pain was excruciating. I’d never experienced anything like that before, that kind of unbearable burning pain. He helped me swallow my screams; my head was propped on his lap and he cradled me softly. A shriek made it out of my throat, a loud shriek of pain.

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay…” he whispered melodically to me. He reassured me, holding my head gingerly in his hands and pushing strands of stringy moist hair out of my face.

He was so gentle it was hard to believe. His green eyes looked anything but hostile. I shook and trembled uncontrollably as the pain intensified. I pressed my jaws closed, clenching my teeth. My face took different grimaces of unease, and my body recoiled out of instinct. I brought my knees to my chest. He softly pushed my legs back to the ground wiping my soaked forehead.

“It’s okay,” he whispered again, his eyes had somehow softened, he was so empathetic. Apart from the boiling pain, I felt heat around me; the smell of combusting wood reached my nostrils. I panicked, were we in the fire? I tried to move and whenever I tried to do so, pain speared me again – viciously. He saw that, he somehow saw everything. “It’s okay… Don’t move…” he said comforting me again. A sound came out of my mouth. Something between a cry and a scream.

The pain hit me in waves and eased a bit for a few moments. But now, I could feel the heat build up again, it came from my fingertips up to my hands, and then traveled all around my body. It was the climax and it was torturing, I felt helpless. I screamed. He whispered to me, attempting to stop me but I made no sense of his words as I was so taken over by my suffering.

I pulled my limbs closer to me protectively and stopped shouting only when the burning had relatively lessened. I allowed my body to relax gulping huge amounts of oxygen as I prepared for the next wave to hit. It worked like that; as soon as you thought everything was over it started again in the same torturous way. So I didn’t allow myself to think it had stopped, I ordered myself to prepare, to wait for that wave of ache to attack me.

He never left. He was always there, holding me. His complexion shined as the golden light of his camp fire illuminated our tiny, muddy cave. I looked into his eyes and met that soothing softness of his gaze.

I didn’t look away the entire night.

*

Sometimes they tell you it is better not to ask, but I guess I’m the kind of person that cannot help it. How could I stop myself from wondering? Questioning? I’d always been a person of facts and I’d been afraid of the unknown ever since I remember myself. This didn’t just scare me, it terrified me. Things I couldn’t explain always terrified me.

He was sleeping deeply, snoring lightly. He was facing the muddy floor of the cave and his wings extended over his body exactly like a blanket. The fire he had lit to fight the night’s lethal cold had gone out. I remember myself staring at him, just staring at him curiously. My irritated eyes wouldn’t move away from him. What was he? He was an interesting creature indeed… Wings and glowing eyes and… Magic? Was that the word? I didn’t dare to repeat it in my head.

He moved his wings over his face covering his eyes from the blond rays of the sun. His body remained paralyzed under his huge wings – he was still asleep. I don’t know what made me approach so inquisitively, but there was something so amazing about his wings I couldn’t ignore. After last night he didn’t seem so dangerous though I still was extremely cautious.

For a moment I just stared at them, at their shape, their pale green color, the muscles controlling them. I stared at them fascinated. I extended a hand but immediately stopped myself from touching his wings giving it a second thought. But could I actually resist? I was curious by nature and it was my curiosity that won. I didn’t want to wake him up, to disturb him; I touched him as gently as I could manage.

I touched velvet. It was so soft and fragile in contrast with his tough appearance. The wing was covered in invisible colorless fluff; I could feel it with my fingers. Their shape didn’t look like an angel’s, looked more of a butterfly’s but not even that, maybe something in between. His wings were impressive in size, they had bones and joints. Muscles all over them. Arteries and veins fed them with blood carrying his pulse. A steady rhythmic pulse.

I ran my fingers over the muscles, the veins and allowed my hand to travel down just a bit lower from his shoulder bones. This was where his wings were rooted. His shirt had holes allowing his wings to pass through. They were attached to his back; they seemed like a part of his body. They were a part of his body.

Suddenly, his wings curled. Turned into tubes reducing their size with the sound of crumbling paper. I responsively pulled back in shock. “What are you doing?” he asked in a low voice forcing my breath to catch. Was he awake all this time? I didn’t reply, so scared my eyes had popped open exactly like a vulnerable animal’s. I swallowed. He sat up and looked at me with the same intensely colored irises only that now his eyes didn’t glow.

“Good morning – by the way,” he muttered and rubbed his sore eyes. There was no response from my side. “Look, it would be really helpful if I didn’t have to guess your answers…” he said and turned to rest his back on the wall uncurling his wings. I couldn’t move my stiff body from my spot and neither could I look away from his wings. They moved fast, sharply.

I had to say something, I knew I had to but I just couldn’t make my lips move. I opened my mouth but was unable to form words.

He pulled his head back and rested it on the wall exhaling heavily. “Last night… It was really close…” he breathed as if he was re-living the night before, with the same nervousness. The identical concern.

“Everything seems complicated,” I said surprising him. It seemed complicated indeed, and I was never a friend of complication. A small sarcastic smile pulled his full lips.

“Well, it certainly is what it seems…” he said and a single forced chuckle left his throat. He was avoiding my glance and stared at the corner of the low ceiling instead, afraid his eyes would betray something. “Everything about you is… complicated.” He exhaled erasing the smile from his face.

“I’m a problem?” I asked making him turn his head and look at me through tired eyes.

“No, you’re the formula solving it…” he said with a mysterious, intriguing voice.

I found myself moving closer towards him. The ceiling of the rocky cave was too low for me to stand so I crawled instead. I still kept a distance between us, he was a stranger.

“Don’t expect me to give you answers…” he said turning his head away from me, overlooking outside.

“I suggest we begin with the basics…” I said cowardly, my whisper was barely audible.

“Like what, April? That They are trying to kill you or that you’re still not ready for The Truth? That you’re not a human anymore?” he argued, unaware of what had slipped from his lips. I looked at him and questioned myself. Do I really want to know?

“I’m Peter – just so you know,” he added fixing his eyes on me; his gaze was harsh. For some reason my pulse had accelerated, my heart banged against my ribs. I guess it was out of response, maybe nature. Only then did I realize I had pressed my back against the moist wall of the cave – almost defensively.

I swallowed. “What are you?” I breathed staring at the floor.

“A nothing. A big piece of nothing…” he replied; his tone only was enough to make me look up and meet his eyes. “Nothing compared to you and I’m kind of glad about that. I guess I wouldn’t have the strength to endure what you have to endure…” he went on narrowing his eyes skeptically. I wouldn’t open my mouth and interrupt, it was too interesting. “You, darling… are the Chosen One. Though we just call you the Chosen…” he whispered just a bit sarcastic – slightly.

“Who are ‘we’?” I asked immediately, curious and ominous.

“Big pieces of nothing like me,” he said joking coldly pointing at himself with his index finger. He suddenly froze. Stared right through my eyes seeming so astonished by something. He moved, walked on four towards me uncurling his wings and flapping them behind him. I pulled my limbs closer to me defensively and my heart bounced in my chest. He moved closer and closer until his face was just two inches away from mine, he looked right into my huge pupils and I looked into his.

“I can’t believe it…” he muttered in a mesmerized whisper. “Your eyes… how…?” he asked himself in obvious disbelief. “It’s impossible for it to work so fast…” he said grabbing my face with his hand and examining my irises. “So fascinating…” he continued in amazement. My body was totally paralyzed the moment his skin contacted mine – I did not react, just shook like a leaf in the wind.

“A creature of perfection indeed…” he murmured and let go of my face as suddenly as he had grabbed it. “The Three Virtues are reflected in the three colors of your eyes,” he said addressing me, moving his face away from mine. “Just like The Prophesies claimed…” he muttered in realization of something. “Blue, green and yellow…” he breathed, the sound of his voice was barely detectable. He was considering things, seemed thoughtful and stared at the dripping wall of the cave while his mind traveled miles and miles away.

“My eyes are brown,” I argued, in apparent confusion. “And so is my hair…” I said and pulled a strand into my face.

I remember my heart stopped beating; I remember my body freezing on spot – functionless. It was like a tsunami of shock had smashed me. I was demolished, I stayed there – wrecked. Speechless, as I tried to find a rational explanation for my electric blue and fluorescent green hair. Peter stared at me with the same surprise – he hadn’t noticed that either.

“It’s happening… The Metamorphosis…” he muttered to himself and started moving away from me. I stared at him through horrified eyes. Metamorphosis?

He moved to the edge of the cave, to the entrance. “No one must witness this, I have to leave…” he said panicking almost, and flew out.

“Where are y –” I didn’t manage to finish my sentence and was interrupted by pain.

I wish I could just forget about it but it was an experience so intense it is imprinted in my mind permanently. The memory is inerasable. And every time I think of it I feel myself burning again. I feel the same pain. It was nothing like the night before, nothing to be compared with. Indescribable. The brutality of the pain, of the fire sizzling my body. I couldn’t give an end to the screams. My body was outstretched on the cave floor, my limbs shook and vibrated wildly as I cried – helpless. No one was there to reassure me, to hold me now that I needed it the most – desperately.

This time I was all alone.

*