C28 Our Once

The sofa in the clinic was the most comfortable. It had a soft and fat pillow and a wide sofa blanket. Soong Zihee could take off his shoes and sit straight on the bed.

"Relax, we're just chatting today, there's no need to discuss anything. "You're so nervous, it's like I'm going to cut your guts open and do a lot of surgery."

Soong Zihee also laughed.

"How can you relax at home? It's the same here. You can take off your shoes and lie down to talk to me. Find a position that you think is the most comfortable."

Bian Ann took off his shoes first and put his legs on the tea table in front of him.

"Don't tell the nurse downstairs she hates washing tablecloths."

Bian Ann was as crafty as a child who did bad things. Soong Zihee also relaxed and leaned back on the sofa.

"My mom always asks me to sit or sit. I can't do it, I still like reading books."

"It's the same. Look at my near-sighted eyes. They're just lying there reading."

Whether it was the psychological clinic or the hospital, there were always doctors. Soong Zihee was a little nervous when he saw doctors since he was young, but Bian Ann was a lot more relaxed. Soong Zihee was more comfortable after a few words.

"Album, take a look. It's all very beautiful."

Bian Ann took out a few thick photo albums from under the tea table and handed them to Soong Zihee.

"Don't you want to talk about your illness?"

"I invited you to take a look at the photo, what illness are you talking about?"

Open a picture of a starry sky.

"This was taken on a plateau. The starry sky is so beautiful."

"I've been to the plateau, too. The scenery there is really beautiful. "

"Did he go alone?" With a friend? You didn't drink a glass of barley under the starry sky to listen to a Tibetan song? "

"I went with Lee Geng. The plateau we went to in our first year of marriage. He kept complaining that he was afraid of a plateau reaction, but when he got there, he was the happiest and dragged me to dance. Buy some chocolates to amuse the little red baby at the plateau, and then go and ask a living Buddha to touch me and pray for blessings. "

Bian Ann also stopped talking as he listened to Soong Zihee with a smile.

Soong Zihee knew that this was Bian Ann's way of guiding him to talk so that he could figure out the problem.

"I've seen a lot of psychiatrists, and I know almost everything about this process. There was nothing to say. Lee Geng and I were different majors in university, so we met each other in the cafeteria. I got him covered in seaweed soup, and we started arguing after that. I beat him up. "

Bian Ann laughed, Soong Zihee took out a cigarette and lit it.

"He couldn't argue with me, he didn't dare to fight … I dare, basketball was a different team, he hit me on the basketball court, he really flew out and landed on the ground and glided a few meters, he was scared silly, he carried me to the infirmary, the one on the elbow broke off, my parents were angry, my parents were so focused on me becoming a contemporary great painter that they were afraid of the consequences of breaking my elbow, they didn't have a good impression of him at first." What else is there to do? He was in charge of my daily life. He bathed and fed and helped to copy my notes. His arms were healed, and he had turned from a classmate into a lover. It's a very vulgar process of love.

"No, it's beautiful."

Soong Zihee leaned back and flicked away the ash from his cigarette, because he remembered that he smiled lightly in the past.

"At first we were in love, living together, living together, he cooked for me, when I got interested I would paint him, paint him naked, not long after graduation the same-sex marriage was legalized, and we would get married right away. How good it is to get married right after graduating from university and work hard together to start a business and live from bitter to good days together. The company stabilizes I also need to enrich myself, read the degree examination to teach, very busy. He was also very busy, and after stability came the period of ascension. In the early stages, when I helped him out of the company, he took responsibility for all the big and small matters, and he became more and more busy, more and more busy, he started not going home, I started not being able to care about home, I started not seeing each other, not communicating, not eating or sleeping together, not loving each other anymore, that was it. We signed the divorce agreement a few days ago and left. "

"Divorced because I didn't love you? I thought your husband had a deep affection for you in the book bar. "

"It was his reluctance to part when he realized I had really divorced him, not his love for me. I've been with him for so many years, I don't know how much he has, I know what he thinks. Lee Geng doesn't love me anymore. "

Soong Zihee smiled helplessly.

"I can feel his feelings for me lessening every day. It was like knowing that he was terminally ill. He would slowly wait until the day of his death. A little less every day, and little by little, all the emotions will be reduced, and you will become a stranger under the roof. "

He felt helpless, but there was nothing he could do.

It was a chronic terminal disease, just like waiting for death to descend.

"You were still flustered at the start, why is it that you're not as good as you were before? Why? What went wrong? He knew what the problem was and was very eager to correct it. However, when he was trying very hard to redeem his marriage, he was slowly retreating. He could not see all of his efforts. Slowly I also developed inertia, so let's do it like this. If he is not active I also do not respond, in the slow draining of all the feelings of the past and the promise of the sea, life became a job, to this point. From talking about everything to being relatively silent, from being close to you and being unable to get close to you. "